At present I am in a state of depression. PMS I think. Lately this has been happening a lot. I actually
feel as though I don't care about a lot of things. It is such a horrible feeling. I don't understand why I
must go through this when I do. (------) birthday was Monday. Tomorrow she is having a sleep over
and on Saturday we are all going to get dressed up and go out to one of the nice malls here in
(----------). The plan is to eat and see a movie. My nerves are so bad right now. I am so tired of so
many things and I am seriously considering cigarettes. I had a physical a few days ago and I was given
a few choices. Invitro- fertilization or a hysterectomy. My complaint for the past 4 years has been
pain during sex and horrible PMS and menstrual cycles. Hysterectomy in hopes of getting rid of the
pain or allow them to get me pregnant since the military took away my options 4 years ago. The way I
feel at present is that I would need neither if I weren't with my husband. I am rambling and I will talk
to you later.
Love you (-------)
RawEssence' reply:
Baby girl, take a deeep breath and exhale. This really will pass. PMS is a real condition and tends to
magnify feelings that are ever present in our spirit. The thing we have to do is figure out how to rid
ourselves of these dormant feelings since we can't do anything about the PMS. When I suffered alot
with depression, my life seemed to operate on automatic around me. My participation was only out of
courtesy of living. That is a terribly disconnected feeling and I feel strong empathy for what you are
going through. I have been there and fight daily to keep things from contaminating my spirit so that I
will never have to go back. The Lord had to force me to do some serious "housekeeping" in my heart
and mind in order to heal to the point I am today. I also understand how it feels to be on the receiving
end of unfair circumstances in life. Child molestors, abusers, medical malpractice, job discrimination
and the PTSD that resulted from that robbed me of the opportunity to have children and lead a
'normal' life as the one you have-- At least that is what man says. Death robbed me of my dreams of a
happy marriage that wasn't all that happy You were there- you know the story. I know that I was
unable to to heal myself. Only divine intervention from God through Jesus Christ could loose me from
the madness in my mind. Luke 13:11 "And behold, there was a woman which had a spirit of infirmity
eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself". You see, I can't change
the past, but in Christ I can find a place to accept that nothing in my life has ever been about me per
se. I didn't then, nor do I now know what the Lord was making out of me. I do know that it was
always according to his purpose- His design for my life. He was, and is making and preparing me to
carry out HIS purpose according to HIS plan. Every thing I went through was for HIS glory today in
my life. Isaiah 55:8-11 "...For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my
ways,"declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways and my thoughts
higher than your thoughts. As the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish so that it yields seed for the sower and
bread for the eater, So is MY WORD that goes out from my mouth. IT WILL NOT RETURN TO
ME EMPTY, BUT WILL ACCOMPLISH what I DESIRE, and ACHIEVE the PURPOSE for
which I SENT IT." (That's my Daddy talking girl!) We have to recognize that God has a divine
purpose for our existence. We do not exist for our own comfort and wishes - although the Lord will
accomodate his children if it fits within his higher purpose. Today, I can gratefully accept the lessons
and tests that the Lord allowed in my life because I know that he was only "making me". James
1:2-4"My brethen, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of
your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and
ENTIRE, wanting nothing." Ask God to come into your life and seek wisdom concerning the
unhealed hurts in your life. Ask God to address the wounds that seem to open up fresh during your
weakest moments. He is faithful to answer. Seek his face and he WILL answer. Luke 13:12-13"And
when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman thou art loosed from thine
infirmity. And he laid his hands on her; and IMMEDIATELY she was made straight, and glorified
God." See Baby Girl, your life is meant to be a testimony for God's Glory! So begin to count it all
joy- because YOU ARE LOOSED from your infirmities! Count the many blessings in your life today.
Remember what HE brought you through and raise your hand in victory through Christ because it
ALL WAS FOR A REASON! Look at me. Look at my life and see HIM! LOOK IN THE
MIRROR and see HIM! I love you, Sis! And this MOMENT FOR YOU IS ALREADY PAST!
Begin to Rejoice and watch the pain turn into joy. Feel the shackles that have bound you melt
away-never to return. What we thought were shackles were actually Bracelets from God when we
came to believe!
RAWESSENCE copyright 1999
" My Baby is brown, and all she does is laugh.....!"